


Wait For Me

by Higgles123



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Cancer, Death, F/M, Grief, Love, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:33:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29867811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgles123/pseuds/Higgles123
Summary: This is a very very sad one shot and possibly triggering for some, but it just came out and I couldn't stop it.
Relationships: Alfie Solomons/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Wait For Me

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Weddings were happy affairs, but Alfie felt no joy; only the aching of his broken and shattered heart. How had it come to this? They were supposed to have their whole lives together. They had planned it; the holidays, the house, the children. But six weeks ago it had all been taken away from them.

_“Alf, I’m fine,” Izzy waved him with a roll of her eyes, but Alfie didn’t believe her._

_She could smile and she could tell him that it was just normal women’s pains but that didn’t mean he had to believe her. For months she hadn’t been herself. Her skin was sallow, and she had bags under her eyes. At night she cried when she thought he couldn’t hear; cried because her stomach was hurting again and crying because she was scared. The weight had fallen off her but whenever he or anyone else mentioned it she would proclaim that her healthy eating plan was finally working. Only there was no healthy eating plan. Some days she could eat and eat like she had hollow legs, devouring everything in her path; and then other days she couldn’t manage more than a few bites of something before she was vomiting and her stomach cramping in agony._

_The day she began vomiting up dark blood, Alfie decided enough was enough._

_“If there’s nothin’ wrong then you won’t mind goin’ to the quacks, will you, eh?” he muttered. “You was quick enough to drag me there about my skin and never complained, did I? Well, alright I complained but I went, and you know why? Cos you asked me to do and I’d do anythin’ you asked.”_

_The doctor was nice enough; not their usual doctor but he was friendly and had a calming nature._

_“I’m going to call up St Pancras’ and have them run some tests. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about it but they will be able to do everything necessary to find the cause of your symptoms,” he smiled. But they could both see it; the pity in his eyes and the strain behind his reassuring smile._

Alfie allowed his sister to fasten his tie for him. He didn’t even complain when she made it too tight. After all, he couldn’t breathe and his throat with choked with emotion anyway.

“You look handsome, Alfie,” she smiled, patting his cheek. “You make the perfect groom.”

He nodded. Nothing about this was perfect.

_Isabel didn’t like hospitals. Perhaps it was that cold clinical smell or perhaps it was the memory of watching her mother fade away in a place like this. The doctors completed their tests; blood tests, x rays, anything they needed to do she let them. And right beside her, Alfie stayed the entire time, talking to her about nonsense and holding her hand._

_“Do you reckon they ever get fed up wearin’ them little hats?” he commented after one of the nurses had left, assuring them that the doctor would be in soon to discuss their results. “Or do you reckon they come in handy? Like if someone starts spewin’ up or explodes blood, they could yank off their hats and use them like a bucket?”_

_Isabel laughed despite her nerves. Resting her head on Alfie’s shoulder, she let him continue to talk and she found herself drifting off, comforted by the sound of his voice._

“How Izzy?” he asked.

“Tired,” his sister sighed. “But she looks beautiful in Mum’s wedding dress. And our Sheila did her hair and make up for her. She looks like an angel. Far too good to be marrying the likes of you.”

_Isabel blinked. Everything was fuzzy. She could see the doctor’s mouth moving but she couldn’t hear anything he was saying. All she could focus on were the few words that were swirling around her mind. Cancer. Terminal. Weeks at most._

_Something landed on her hand; something wet. She blinked again and that was when she realised she was crying. Something else touched her shoulder and when her eyes met Alfie’s she found that she suddenly couldn’t breathe. She didn’t want to leave him. She couldn’t leave him. This wasn’t real. This wasn’t happening. She wasn’t going to die. She wasn’t going to leave Alfie._

_“We’ve got money,” she looked at the doctor. “Whatever it costs to make me better we’ll pay it.”_

_“Miss Lowes, it’s not about money,” the doctor sighed sadly. “The cancer has spread around your body. Even if we were to treat you now, it would buy you only another few weeks.”_

_“No,” she shook her head, looking at Alfie imploringly; clutching at his shirt. “Tell him he’s wrong. Tell him to make it stop. Tell him, Alfie. Please. Tell him I’m not going to die. Please don’t let me die. I don’t want to die.”_

_Alfie clenched his jaw so hard that his back molar cracked. She was begging him, screaming, pleading with him to make it better; to fix it with money like he always did, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do a goddamn fucking thing._

She was beautiful. The dress hung off of her tiny frame but Alfie barely noticed. All he could focus on was her smile. Her eyes were twinkling with love for him and when he sat down beside her on the bed, she took his hand and held it tight. He could feel her trembling; a side effect of the medication she was taking for her pain. Usually she took so much that it knocked her out, but they couldn’t very well get married if the bride was asleep, could they?

_Isabel opted not to have the radiotherapy._

_“I don’t want to spend the rest of my time with you in this hospital,” she told Alfie. “I want us to be at home, in_ our _home, together. I want to keep my hair and I want to just live life as normally as possible.”_

_Alfie understood. Selfishly he wanted her to have the treatment just so that he could have her with him for longer, but he would respect her wishes. He handed the bakery over to Ollie for the foreseeable future and he would spend his time with the woman he loved until he could spend time with her no more._

“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the registrar smiled. “Mr Solomons, you may kiss your bride.”

Her lips were pale, just like the rest of her, and when Alfie bent to kiss his new wife, he tried not to cry. They had just made vows to love each other until death parted them and now death was on their heels.

_“No,” Isabel was adamant. “I’m not marrying you, Alfie.”_

_“Why the fuck not?” Alfie didn’t try to hide his hurt and his anger. “We’re engaged and we planned to get married next year anyway.”_

_“Yeah, we planned to get married and start a family and a life together,” Izzy spat. “We didn’t plan to marry and make you a widower within weeks or even days.”_

_“Isabel, I want to marry you,” Alfie’s voice cracked. “I want you to be my wife. I don’t care if you’re my wife in body for even hours cos you’ll be wife in soul forever. I want to put my ring on your finger and I want to call you Mrs Solomons, and when you’re gone I’ll wear that ring around my neck beside my heart.”_

_“Alfie stop,” she whispered, her lip trembling and a tear gliding down her face. “I can’t even get out of bed. How am I supposed to marry you like this?”_

_“I’ll make it happen,” he murmured, cupping her face and letting his own tears fall freely. “Just say yes, Iz.”_

Alfie scooped his wife up in his arms, trying his best to pretend that she didn’t feel as light as a feather, and he moved them slowly to the rhythm of their song.

“Your eyes so blue, your kisses too,” Alfie crooned against her ear. “I never knew what they could do. I can’t believe you’re in love with me.”

“I’ve always been in love with you,” she smiled. “Even when we were kids and you used to throw spiders in my hair.”

“I only did that cos I thought you were pretty, and I was worried my mates would find out and take the mick outta me,” he chuckled, looking down into her eyes. Her eyelids were growing heavy and he knew she was tired.

“I love you, Alfie.”

“And I love you, Iz,” he brushed his nose against hers. “I’ll always love you.”

_“Can we talk about when I’m gone?”_

_They were laying in bed. Izzy had been asleep most of the day, just like the day before and the day before that. Alfie turned his head to look at her, brushing her hair back from her head._

_“We’ve been putting it off, but I’m scared that I might go and you won’t know what I want,” she said._

_Want about what, Alfie wanted to ask? He wanted to play dumb and pretend that after organising his wedding, he wouldn’t find himself having to organise a funeral._

_“I don’t want anyone to wear black,” Isabel told him, taking his silence as a confirmation that they were finally going to deal with something neither of them wanted to. “I want everyone to wear bright colours instead. And I want lots of flowers; pretty ones that make people feel happy when they look at them. Afterwards, after the… funeral, I want everyone to dance. You know how much I love dancing and music. I want everyone to be happy; not sad. I want them to remember me how I was, not how I am now.”_

_Alfie nodded. His throat was clogged up and he couldn’t even form a simple word. His chest ached and he wondered how it was possible for people to survive heartache such as this. He didn’t want to survive it. He wanted to go with her._

_“There’s one more thing, Alf,” she looked at him seriously. “When I’m gone, I don’t want you to grieve for me forever. I don’t want you to be alone.”_

_“Don’t do this, Iz,” he choked. “Please don’t do it.”_

_“Alfie,” she took his hand. “If you love me even half as much as you say you do then you’ll let me do this. I want you to be happy without me. I want you to have children and I want you to find someone who will love you as much I love you. I’ll even try and help to send someone your way. But you have to promise me that you’ll let them in; that you’ll let them love you like I do. Promise me that, Alfie.”_

_“I can’t.”_

_“You can,” Isabel spat through gritted teeth. “You can and you will. You’ll have children and grandchildren and you’ll be happy. You have to promise me that you’ll do all of the things we were going to do.”_

_“I promise,” he whispered, taking her hand and bringing it to her mouth._

He knew she was gone. He knew it as soon as he had woken up. For the first time in weeks, her face was relaxed; free from the pain that the medication couldn’t completely take away.

Bending down, Alfie brushed his lips against hers in a butterfly of a kiss. His mind was a mix of emotions. His heart hurt unbearably knowing that he was never going to see his beautiful Izzy smile again or see her blue eyes crinkle at the corners. He was never going to hear her softly spoken voice when she told him she loved him again. But never again was he going to see her face contort in pain, or feel her hand grip his desperately when she didn’t know how to make it all stop.

Yesterday, Alfie married the woman he loved more than anything in the entire universe. Today he was forced to let her go. With infinite tenderness and reverence, he took her hand and kissed it before sliding the wedding band from her finger. He threaded it through the chain around his neck and tucked it inside his shirt.

“I love you and I hope you’re at peace now, love. Wait for me, yeah? Cos when I get up there we’ll be dancin’ again. Sleep tight my girl. You’ll forever be in my heart, Iz. Until the end of today and every day.”


End file.
